My mother is driving me home from Christmas.
For the first time, I think to ask her if she was a virgin when she got married. And I am 24 and truly shocked. I am thinking about being a child between the ages of 4 and 9, watching my parents' wedding ceremony on VHS, I am thinking about "getting married" at 19 because we wanted to move in, and I am thinking about avoiding the conversation about the white dress altogether by buying a blue and yellow dress. I am thinking about being 21 and my mother asking how many abortions I've had. And still lately I am thinking about having children.