tonight, tonight: an update

I weigh 150 pounds.

Oh, I have been unkind to myself. In fact, for now, Tim is looking at the scale for me, so that number doesn't throw me into a panic, so the panic doesn't throw me into a self-destructive spiral.

I keep repeating: I am still 15 pounds lighter than I was a year ago, even if my size 8s are a little tighter than they were. I am much stronger. I haven't binged in months. I haven't once made myself vomit. I haven't given up.

But I think I have forgotten the value of small steps. An extra ten minutes of hooping or jumping rope or cycling every day, a few minutes spent on strength training or core work. I've forgotten the value of moderation in eating, forgotten that skipping meals always makes everything worse. I've not bothered to eat properly on the days that I spend at work.

Tonight I took some small steps. I cycled a few laps back and forth over the bridge (and its infamous ramp). I got espresso at Transcend, and took some pictures. I came home and drank beer out of my preferred beer glass. I am determined to return to the spirit in which I started this project last summer. I want to take care of myself.

For the next seven days, I am going to post pictures of all my meals. For real. I am going to take some time to exercise (in addition to my short commute to work) every day. I am going to step on the scale every day. I am going to work on my still-sore shins. I am going to drink lots of water. If I mess up, I am going to forget it and keep going.

So, forgive me while this space morphs temporarily into a weight loss blog.