an update

I have to admit that I looked forward to writing this post all week. I was rather fabulous, and wanted to tell you all about it. But I restrained myself. Until now.

A quick summary: I exercised for at least 30 minutes every day this week except Friday. I ate chocolate zucchini cake. But I also declined fat-free ice cream at my mother's house, because I realized that I didn't want any. I drank my tea without sugar for the first time in about a year. I ordered and enjoyed a small instead of a large hot chocolate at Transcend (where I have graduated to free drinks status, since Tim has started working there). I biked in the mist and rain, I biked in the middle of a bout of cramps, and I walked after work when I usually fall into a stupefied sleep. I tried to note the food I was eating and the time I took to exercise. I also laid out to tan my legs. I have never, ever in my adult (or teen/tween) life worn shorts outside long enough to get a tan. Am I going to become some strapping brown Amazon?

Thinking about this plan, and the goals I hope to achieve through it, I recognized with a shock of surprise that, four years later, I have finally learned to feed myself. All other future milestones aside, this is worthy of my celebration.

When I began recovering from bulimia, I felt sick every time I ate. I starved myself all day, then ate far too much, too quickly. Eating scared me, and being hungry scared me. I was too distracted to concentrate on my health - I just wanted to survive exposure to food, and my body's need for food. This week it felt so wonderful to eat small pieces of cake, to eat large bowls of blueberries, and to cook with Tim. I wasn't worried. I wasn't nauseous.

As for my goals (and stats), here they are:

Weight: 159 pounds
Jeans size: 10
Time I'm able to run without stopping: 4 minutes
Number of push-ups I can do in a row: 4
Activity over the past week: 4.5 hours

And I ran outside, in public, twice
I did four push-ups in a row
I bought a jump rope

This week I'd like to run around my block once without stopping, and I'd like to get to five push-ups.