Far below your house, or your school, or your park
There is a place so nasty even fire is dark.
It seems too unpleasant for even a louse
Yet a whole host of angels made it their house.
There they had sat for eight days plus one
Needless to say, it wasn’t much fun.
Of all the cherubs great and small
One named Satan was the biggest of all.
In a fiery lake that went sizzle and blub
Floated great Satan and his friend Beelzebub.
Satan groaned, “I do not like this fiery pit
And I cannot stand this lake to sit.
Let’s get out of the lava and move to that rock
There I will try to wring out my sock.
What did we do to deserve such a fate?
Al l we tried to do was blow up God’s gate.
That lord above thinks himself so bold
But I think he’s as great as this place is cold.
We fell from a town that was golden and shiny
But now we spend all of our time looking grimy.
He thinks he’s so great with his pomp and his glory.
Well I’ll show him, I’ll make him feel sorry.”
Beelzebub sniveled, “But he threw us down here.
Maybe we do have something to fear.
How can we fight from this fiery hole?
It’s so dark down here that I feel like a mole.
Perhaps it’d be best if we just surrendered
I’m sure he’d remembered our services rendered.”
But Satan yelled, “If we are weak we are worms!
God is God – he doesn’t have germs.
Why are you so worried about warring?
I think you’re beginning to sound a tad boring.
I look like leviathan – I’m grand and I’m huge
Don’t you think we’ll go places with you as my stooge?
We will make God’s gold turn rusty and black
We will make God’s angels angry and fat.
We will mess with God’s earth and the new creatures on it.
We will make him feel bad, and put bees in his bonnet.
So let’s call our dazed friends up out of the lake
They'll come help us, we'll party, and then we'll eat cake.”
“If they hear your voice, O chief of chiefs
I’m sure they’ll come with shouts and leaps.”
Beelzebub said this, he meant every word
And Satan began calling out names absurd:
“These are the demons that will walk on the globe
Plenty of horrors their titles will bode.
Come Moloch, come Tophet, come Gehenna and Chemos,
On Baalim, on Ashtaroth, Osiris and Orus!
Come my minions, let’s not be dour!
This could be our finest hour!
Let’s take this cave all dusty and old
And make for ourselves a city of gold!”
With this idea the demons let out a roar
That shook the earth right to the core.
Mammon said, “I’ll mine the gold as well as I’m able”,
“And I’ll build the hall”, said crafty Azazel.
[Under the command of able Azazel
The hall was built faster than the tower of Babel.]
They dug in the ground and made rooms of metal
A place almost as pretty as Heaven to settle.
But when they finished the city it was too small
So they made themselves bitty to fit in the hall.
Then delighted demons discovered Pandemonium
Sounded a lot like a clear sweet euphonium
As a breath like a thousand voices blew in
Around the Doric pillars in their assembly of sin.
Once inside they made up their plan
To best their lord God as best as they can.
Sitting like pygmies now glowing and clean,
They sat in a circle to plot out their scheme.